Professor Brian Cox finally encounters God … or does he? What does the Man in the Sky have in store for him? Watch to find out! 🙂
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Full script:
(stage curtains open)
– Hello everyone, welcome to the Wonders of the Interwebs! I am Professor Brian Cox and today I’m going to be talking about Schrödinger’s equation, the most fundamental equation in quantum mechanics. Austrian physicist Erwin Schrodinger came up with this equation in 1925 and…
(Loud thunder interrupts Brian as God appears in the sky, behind a big fluffy cloud. Silly celestial music)
– Brian, I have an important message for you. I want you to know that, although you are not consciously aware of it yet, deep down – very, very deep down – your interest in cosmic consciousness is vast. It is now time to leave Schrödinger’s equation aside for a little while, sit, meditate and learn some ancient wisdom. The wonders of the universe are to be found right inside you, Brian.
– Cosmic consciousness? This is utter bollocks! You can’t possibly be asking me to do this, you nutter! Physics is my life! And don’t you dare say a bad word about Schrödinger! He’s my hero!
– Yes, physics is awesome Brian. And Erwin Schrödinger was awesome too. I know very well how much Schrödinger’s work has influenced your career. His equation, the quantum wave function, his thoughts on the nature of life, genes, entropy… and of course let’s not forget Schrodinger’s beloved cat… simultaneously pushing up daisies as he happily purrs. What an extraordinary man… and pussycat. (clears throat). However, there’s a lot more to Schrödinger than meets the eye, Brian.
– (sigh)
– Brian, I am also aware of your profound admiration for Mr Chopra. All those tender tweet exchanges between you two are ever so sweet and amicable.
– Bugger off you old fart! Go back behind your cosmic cloud and leave me alone!
– Knock it off, Brian! Deepak has been trying to teach you about cosmic consciousness for years. I have a question for you. Have you been listening?
(lDeepak appears on the screen, riding a gigantic flying brain, while he repeats “It's cosmic consciousness” like a broken record)
– Aaahhhh stop it, this is torture! My head is going to explode! (Deepak’s voice stops)
– (sigh of relief) All this spiritual stuff is nonsense – I’m not changing my mind! Anybody who thinks cosmic consciousness is real is a complete nob end!
– Oh shut up, Brian! The moment has come to transcend the boundaries of your comfort zone. However, I understand that finding the time to meditate and gain ancient knowledge may not be an easy task for you. All that time spent smashing particles inside supercollider machines, all those hours writing strange equations, befriending giant crabs and starring in puppet shows do not leave much time for the study of metaphysics… or quantum healing for that matter. But now it’s time to face the music. Enough excuses, Brian.
– Have you totally lost it? This is utter drivel! The diamond-encrusted guru can take his cosmic consciousness and stuff it up his bottom chakra!
– Shuuush! I’ve heard enough! As an introduction, I have prepared a special test for you. If you are so confident you can tell the difference between Deepak’s drivel and Erwin’s intelligent ponderings, then you should pass my test with flying colours. However, there’s a catch. You must achieve 90% or more or else you will be immediately pulverised. Or… better, you’ll be thrown into a black hole so that you can gain first-hand experience on what it truly means to become one with the universe.
– You are a colossal nob end!
– Yes, my dear Brian, I am. And don’t forget, with a capital K. Now, please get all your chakras aligned with the zero point field and let’s get started, shall we?
– (sigh – losing patience) Yes I’ve got it all perfectly aligned you old duffer!
– I will now present you with a series of statements. Your task is to tell me who uttered those words: Deepak or Erwin. And don’t you dare cheat Brian or call anybody a nob end again, or I’ll chop off your own parsnip and drop it inside the Hadron collider – I’d be interested to see what happens to it after it has been accelerated near the speed of light!
(Brian grumbles, swears unintelligibly)
– My assistants will guide you through the questions. The test starts now! (“Who wants to be a millionaire” tune)
– Oh bollocks, where’s me beer?
(stage curtains close)
…. to be continued
Click here to watch Part 2: Cosmic Consciousness Test – Deepak Chopra or Erwin Schrödinger?
Credits:
Script, production, editing, design and animation by Cracking the Nutshell.
Thanks so much to the talented Mr Scheiffer Bates for his incredible Brian Cox impression. Here is a link to his YouTube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/ScheifferBates
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